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by vividxpages



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Established Relationship, Evan is not doing well, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, connor is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29921655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vividxpages/pseuds/vividxpages
Summary: Evan is having a hard time lately.Connor will always be there to help him through it.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





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**Author's Note:**

> I thought about vintage scales today, so this happened (naturally).

Evan was eight years old when him and Heidi went on vacation and visited a museum in the countryside. His mom thought he would like the big orchard that belonged to the building, once a farmhouse and now a place of discovery and old things.

He had loved every single second they spent there, but surprisingly, it was not the tree or the fresh apple juice they got there that were Evan´s favorite part of the trip.

Because in the back on the museum, like the owners didn’t really expect someone to be actually interested in it, stood an old scale, forged out of bronze and almost as tall as Evan had been.

He didn’t know why, but something about the way both ends were perfectly balanced appealed to him, two small bowls filled with apples to achieve the same weight on both sides.

It wasn’t until ten years later that Evan wished he could be like that scale as well.

He´s so tired of being out of balance.

Evan was adjusting to a new dose of meds, in the middle of exam season, and it was hard. He couldn’t remember a time where he hadn’t been so haunted by everything around him happening so fast and even though his therapist promised him a change for the better, _it only takes a bit time_ , _Evan_ , he couldn’t imagine ever getting better again.

Evan thought about weights.

Not the ones on a scale at his doctor`s office, two number written down in his big file, or the ones in a gym, lifted by jerks and show-offs.

Evan thought about the glass cabinet that stood right next to the old scale at the museum, each shelf containing a small set of scale weights, shiny and perfectly aligned. Starting with the very small ones, barely anything in your hand, to the big ones you couldn’t carry alone even if you wanted to.

Evan thought the small ones were easy to handle.

He could deal with the small ones. A little pang of anxiety here and there, Evan was used to feeling on edge, even though it wasn’t exactly ideal.

But the change in his meds made the small weights heavier, until Evan couldn’t ignore them anymore.

It´s waking up in the morning, two minutes after his clock should´ve went off, but it didn’t because it´s broken again. His shoulders automatically sink in as he made his way to the bathroom.

It´s not finding two matching socks and worrying he wouldn’t catch his bus if he continued being useless so early in the morning, because he could already hear the comments about his two unmatching socks.

Evan shouldn’t care.

But he did.

It´s feeling no appetite at the breakfast table and not having anyone around to tell him he should at least eat a granola bar or else he´ll feel shit at school later. Usually, Connor told him these kinds of things, but Evan didn’t want to ask him over again, not after the last time where he just stared at the wall for hours, because the change was happening right now inside of his brain and he wasn’t a good boyfriend and didn’t want to waste Connor´s time again.

Connor made sure to voice that this could never be the case and he _wanted_ to take care of Evan while he was feeling like this, but as he told him that Evan just broke down over the phone and said he would see him at school tomorrow.

He felt like shit about that for days.

And just like that the weights gathered, sinking down into one bowl and making the scale uneven. A weight growing further, destroying Evan´s well protected balance.

It´s sitting in class and having to remind himself that he should write something down now, because he didn’t do it for the last twenty minutes and this wouldn’t get him _anywhere_ in the exam, no wait, the _two_ exams that were coming up next week, but Evan´s tired and it was much easier to just stare ahead, letting the voices around him become background noise.

And suddenly he was sitting there, staring at a white sheet of paper, brain empty.

It had started with a small weight though.

They´re easy to handle, until they´re not and he didn’t notice that they gathered until they´re one big weight on his shoulders, pressing him down into the concrete.

Connor watched for exactly one week.

Made sure to keep his distance, because Evan wanted it and he was always going to do what Evan wanted from him, but this-

It´s not acceptable.

Connor just couldn’t stand by while Evan was spiraling like this, it hadn’t been that bad in a long time and Connor wanted to turn up at Evan´s therapist and do a presentation on how the fuck the new meds weren´t doing their jobs. He´d always been impatient, but especially when a person he loved suffered.

So, Connor went into action.

Because, here came the part that was just really fantastic.

If Evan´s side of the scale was dragging him down, Connor put a new weight on the other side of it.

The next morning Connor rode his bike to Evan´s house and surprised him with breakfast bagels, Evan´s favorite from their local bakery.

Evan still had his toothbrush in his mouth and it almost dropped to the floor when he opened the door, Connor holding up the bag with a shy smile. He tried to not look at the purple bags under Evan´s eyes, assuming it had been another night of restlessness for him.

He wished he would’ve helped sooner.

They had breakfast, both of them on the couch in Evan´s living room, Evan´s legs in Connor´s lap and it was almost normal, until Evan had to quickly wipe some emotional tears away, the kindness of Connor´s surprise simply overwhelming him in a cocktail of not enough sleep and raging wars in his brain. Adjusting to new meds sucked, big time.

But the scale shifted a bit, taking off some weight on Evan´s side, until he didn’t sit so shrunken in anymore, managing a genuine smile from time to time.

Connor didn’t stop there, he continued setting his own weights on the scale, until it squeaked and moved Evan´s side up, up in the air and away from the suffering on the ground.

When he noticed Evan spacing out in class, he threw a small note onto his desk, catching Evan´s smile while he read it. He wrote a very stupid joke, one that Evan heard a million times before, but still managed to make him laugh.

Connor bought them snacks during lunch break, only Evan´s favorites, because he still didn’t really eat much during the day, but he should. Connor felt like a mother hen, wondered if he did too much and was annoying Evan, but at the end of the day Evan kissed him again, for the first time in days. Whispered a small _thank you_ against his lips.

Connor slept over and made sure Evan took care of himself, they learned together for the next exams and Connor was there when Evan was restless at night, when he spaced out and couldn’t remember what he was just doing, and also for the small successes.

These were Connor´s favorite.

The scale continued to shift, almost the same weight on both sides now.

It was a funny thing how an old childhood memory could mean so much to Evan, he didn’t know at eight years old that he didn’t have to be both sides of the scale, didn’t have to balance himself out with doubled effort.

Sometimes an old scale could be two people, working together.

Connor was Evan´s counterweight, and vice versa.

The most beautiful counterweight in the world.

And as the last exam of the month began and Connor turned around in his chair to quickly shoot Evan a encouraging smile, he felt the old scale balancing out once more.

He got this.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading!  
> Your comments mean the world to me and I love getting to talk with you.  
> Also, happy international women´s day <3


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